/ S Note 8.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, the main reason you’re not sober right now is that deep down, you’re not fully convinced that you need to be. Period. Sure, addiction is a tricky beast but the reason you haven’t even tried to get sober is because there’s a voice in your head, somewhere, telling you that it’s not that bad. That, maybe, you don’t really need to make this change. That it’s not as urgent as it feels or as desperate as people are making it out to be.
But here’s the thing – all you need to do is convince that voice that sobriety is the only constant required for you to get better. It’s the only one you really need. The rest? It’ll follow. And look, I can’t promise you that one day, you’ll wake up with some divine revelation that makes it all click. I mean, sure, that’d be pretty sweet. But here’s the deal: you have to put some work in. Maybe your “Aha!” moment won’t come like some glamorous epiphany, but you have to make the effort to find it or at least fucking try, Sugar.
Addiction has painted this gorgeous, glossy, perfect little picture in your mind. Think of it like a penthouse condo downtown by the C.N. Tower, overlooking Lake Ontario – that view is so stunning that it makes you think you could just live here forever. You wouldn’t want to leave that, would you? So, instead of seeing addiction for the sad little shack it really is, you’re looking at it like you’ve got a front-row seat to some luxury lifestyle. Well, I’ve got news for you, darling: that view’s a lie. Addiction’s just a penthouse in the wrong neighborhood.
You need to convince yourself of two things:
- Whatever picture addiction has painted for you, it’s a mirage. It’s like seeing a mansion in the distance but when you walk up, it’s actually a cardboard cut-out. Doesn’t even have a door.
- Sobriety isn’t just going to paint a better picture, it can build a better one. And unlike addiction’s pretty fake view, this one is real; tangible. Like, you can actually touch it, walk around in it and live in it. No fakery and/or fuckery.
Look, I really do know that addiction is a hell of a thing to try and leave behind. But let me remind you – I’ve lived through some of that cringe-worthy back-and-forth, too. I used to think I had it all under control, living in this nice basement apartment with a couple who had known my boyfriend at the time for nearly two decades. Everything seemed nice enough: the family was chill, their grandkids running around, their daughter teaching me how to make Jamaican food (like ackee and saltfish🤤), backyard barbecues – all the family bonding you’d expect in some cozy little sitcom. But then, shit hit the fan. My boyfriend and I hit some hard times (and let’s be honest, I’m not just talking about the post-accident fallout – we were already in the deep end) and somehow, I ended up sleeping on the couch because “We were that bad.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, we weren’t living it up – but the man wasn’t the one who made me sleep on the couch. No, that privilege went to my stash of vodka, tucked away in the couch cushions. Because, obviously, if I had to pretend to be sober, I sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easy. So, I’d sneak a sip here and there, hidden away like a secret agent with a bottle of vodka as my only mission. Oh, but the 10-year-old granddaughter upstairs? She wasn’t so oblivious. She saw me, bottle in hand and told her grandma, Head Momma Bear, all about it. What did I do? I got pissed. Yeah. Not mad. Pissed. Because, you know, what’s worse than a 10-year-old telling the grown-ups that you’re hiding a 40 of vodka in the couch? The answer is: nothing.
And that – the fact that I was so angry that she “snitched” on me – that was the problem. I wasn’t upset about the fact that I was, quite literally, hiding my addiction like a dirty little secret. No, no. I was mad about the kid blowing my cover. Which, looking back, is just… perfect. The irony could only be lost on a person like me. But you see, that’s how deep addiction’s grip goes – it turns you into someone who thinks snitching on an adult is worse than hiding alcohol in places you sleep. I mean, I slept there because of another ridiculous excuse – like my man was making me. Yeah, right. That was just a nice, convenient story I told myself so I didn’t have to face the truth. But really, I was stashing vodka in the couch because, as usual, it was easier than dealing with my shit. But let’s be real – the couch didn’t carry any of the emotional baggage I was dragging around. It just had vodka. And a lot of it.
So, let’s talk about convincing your brain, shall we? Addicted mind, meet reality. Addicted mind: “I need this. I’m not that bad, right?” Reality: “Ha, you were hiding a 40 in a couch. Get real, you’re this bad.” But getting there? That’s the tricky part. You have to start by getting rid of the addiction’s illusion. Let me break it down:
If you are struggling with addiction, there’s probably one question swirling in your mind right now: how do I convince myself? I mean, sure, this all sounds nice in theory but how the heck do I get there? Don’t panic. We’ll start to figure it out, Sugar. One step at a time.
When trying to figure out whether you can actually get sober, you need to give it some time. I’d say at least a couple of weeks, maybe even a month. And no, I’m not talking about the “sober curious” thing where you think you can keep your bad habits while trying to live a little cleaner. I mean real sobriety. You need time to let your brain come back online. And once you’ve had that break, ask yourself, “How was I thinking two weeks ago? A month ago? Do I even like that version of me and that thought process?” Probably not. In fact, it should make you cringe. And if you’re anything like me, that alone should be enough to convince you to never go back to that mindset; to that low person. The realization that your own brain, under the influence, can’t even think straight – that’s a pretty solid wake-up call. Trust me, once you really see it for what it is, you’ll never want to go back.
Here’s where it gets good: really sit with your thoughts. I mean, really reflect. Not just the situation you were in but your actual thought process. Or, let’s be honest, the lack thereof. When you’re living in the haze of addiction, your thoughts don’t even make sense. It’s like logic’s been thrown out the window with the vodka bottle. You’re walking around thinking, “This is fine, this is normal,” when really, you’re just fumbling through life, trying to stand up straight.
Now, think back on some of those moments. Remember your opinions, your judgments, the things you believed were important. And when you do, ask yourself, “Do I really like this version of me? Do I like how my brain worked back then?” If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably have that cringe-worthy moment where you’re like, “Wait… did I seriously think that?” And then, if you’re really honest, you’ll ask yourself, “No but like, for real, girl, are you dumb?” And it should sting. Because, in those moments, you weren’t even close to the person you wanted to be – the super cool person you, in fact, truly are. You were clouded by all the crap that addiction handed you and those thoughts weren’t yours – they were just the lies you were telling yourself to keep going.
You see, when you get sober, it doesn’t just stop there. You start seeing all the other moments like that – when you thought you were doing okay, when you thought you were making sense. Shocker: you weren’t. And realizing that, that moment of clarity where you can look back and go, “Wow, I was so not a thing,” should leave you convinced. I mean, if that doesn’t motivate you to stay sober, I don’t know what will.
PS. I want to acknowledge that everyone’s support system (or lack thereof) is different. Family, friends, finances – we all come from different circumstances and I’m not here to say that’s something you can change overnight. But one thing you do have control over is yourself. If you can find those moments – even if they’re brief – of clarity between the fog of addiction, you’ll hear your own thoughts. And when you do, you’ll know what you need to do, or not do. You’ll know where to reach out. You’ll know how to make the first move.And believe me, the first move? It’s not as hard as you think. But you do need to want it. Really want it. Because once you start, that’s when everything can change.