You ever catch yourself neck-deep in regret, just silently marinating in it? Not just for a few minutes – but for days. Maybe weeks. Sadly, I think you know what I mean. Because I definitely do.
Now, I’m not here to list out every regret I’ve got – this isn’t a confessional and you don’t have time to read the emotional equivalent of the Harry Potter series. What I am here to do is help you avoid the next regret-fueled spiral. You know, the one that ends with you crying into a sleeve that was supposed to be dry-clean only.
Let’s set the scene. You and your partner are in it. Like, in it. Something about them texting their ex, your trust issues doing jumping jacks and suddenly your mind’s crafting full-blown conspiracy theories: Do they still love them? Do they love me less? Am I just… convenient? (Spoiler: your brain is not your friend in these moments.)
Here’s where it gets good. My therapist – bless her patience – once suggested something wild and crazy: walk away. Yes, yes, I know. We’ve all heard it. But she meant more than just physically. She meant mentally, too. Sure, leave the room, go grab a double-double from Timmies or pretend to be busy alphabetizing your spices. But also, drag your thoughts with you.
Think about anything else. Something that brings you joy. Your dog’s silly, cute face. That outfit you finally get to wear. The sun. A new “Good Articles” article (I mean, come on). Anything that reminds you that you’re a person with a life and not just a character in their drama.
Why? Because your mind doesn’t care if you’re happy – it just wants you safe. And in a fight, “safe” often looks like “win at all costs.” But you’re not on a battlefield. You’re in a relationship (hopefully). So you have to be the adult in the room and Press Pause.
That’s right. Press it. Like you’re watching Netflix and the remote’s actually within reach for once.
Pausing gives you both a second to breathe. To ask: Is this even worth it? Sometimes it is. Sometimes, yeah, grab a throw pillow and scream into it. But 99.9% of the time? It’s just adrenaline talking, not truth. And if you give yourself even 20 minutes – or 2 hours, or 2 days – you’ll know that. And you’ll save yourself from saying something that later requires either a very expensive dinner or 3-5 business days of groveling.
And here’s the real kicker: Pressing pause isn’t even for the other person. It’s for you. To hear your own thoughts again. To ask yourself if this fight – this fucking pattern – is really just a bad moment or if it’s a red flag dressed up as romantic tension.
Because listen. Fights happen. People clash. But if you’re always in emotional DEFCON 1 over the same thing? That’s not passion. That’s just chronic stress with lipgloss on.
Pressing pause calms your nervous system. And Honey, your nervous system deserves peace. Not just from this fight but from the next one too. It also helps prevent that delightful blend of anxiety and mascara-streaked regret that’s been trying to make a comeback in your life.
So do it. Press pause. Not to win. Not to punish. Not even to prove a point. But to protect the only person you’ll never break up with: you.
Put a smile on your face, Sugar. For once.
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