Accomplishments

Do you feel accomplished?

It’s a slippery slope, isn’t it? The whole idea of accomplishment. If you’re anything like me, Sugar, it’s not exactly a feeling that shows up uninvited. It’s more like an old acquaintance you wish would visit more often but only drops by when someone else tells them to.

Why is that?

After all the emotional ponds we’ve dipped our toes (and sometimes our whole heads) into, I think we both know: the ability to feel accomplished is tangled up with self-worth. Self-esteem, self-trust, self-recognition. You know – those little ingredients no one really taught us how to cook with, just expected us to plate beautifully.

Because if you don’t place much worth in yourself, then your thoughts and feelings don’t hold much value either. So, naturally, any sense of accomplishment only feels real when someone else stamps it as “approved.” It’s like needing a permission slip just to be proud of yourself.

This is something I’m actively working on – like, actively, as in: therapy sessions, mirror talks, journaling like my life depends on it (because it kind of does). I’m learning to affirm my own opinions, validate my own decisions and – keyword – own my accomplishments. No gold star required. (Though let’s be honest, stickers are still nice.)

We’re raised on external validation. Good grades. Compliments. Applause. Little You didn’t stand a chance. Little You was just trying to do good, to be good. And when someone smiled or clapped or handed you a shiny sticker? Boom – proof. You mattered. You did well. You were enough.

But Adult You? Adult You doesn’t need that kind of confirmation anymore. Or at least, that’s the goal.

The thing is, you’ve probably never really questioned this. It’s just how it’s always been. A silent rule you agreed to before you even knew what the hell rules were: You are only as good as the praise you receive. And that belief? That belief bleeds into every corner of your life if you let it.

Especially relationships.

Oh, Sugar. This is where it gets dangerous. Because if you don’t trust your own worth, you’ll try to earn it from your partner. You’ll become the fixer. The pleaser. The shape-shifter. You’ll mold yourself into whatever makes them proud of you. Happy with you. Willing to stay with you.

But here’s the thing about constantly pleasing someone else: it comes at the cost of displeasing yourself. And slowly, you stop recognizing the person in the mirror. You start swallowing your needs like pills you were never prescribed.

And when your wants go unmet, when your feelings stay unspoken, when your boundaries become negotiable just to maintain peace? You arrive at the same, familiar stop every time: depression.

And that, Sugar, is the most dangerous train you can ride. Every cart is loaded – bad habits, toxic people, numbing substances that promise escape but only trap you deeper. And the worst part? Once you’re on that train, it feels almost impossible to get off.

But I want to remind you of something you might’ve forgotten in the noise:
Your thoughts matter.
Your feelings matter.
Your opinions matter.

Not because someone else says so but because they’re yours. They’re the truest thing you’ll ever know. And they’re stronger than you think – so strong, in fact, that no one can take them away unless you let them.

So please. Give them some credit. Give you some credit.

No applause necessary.