Now I’m Convinced
It took a lot for me to be convinced that I need to get sober – a lot of self-negotiation and self-bargaining.
I say self-bargaining because that’s really all avoiding sobriety is: bargaining your worth and potential for the happiest you can be.
When I say happiest, I’m referring to things that can bring you joy that you don’t usually recognize: cuddling your pet, trying a new workout, laughing with your mom or dad – putting value on things other than how much of your next fix you’ll get, or when and how. Your brain has so much more room for other activities; productive thoughts and remembering beautiful memories.
But again, I digress. After years of embarrassingly detrimental events commenced and carried through due to alcohol, most of which I will share with you to hopefully help you put down the bottle or not call your dealer, I made my first half step towards sobriety.
I say half-step because I had made the decision, for my mental health, to “not drink for 2 or 5 years or until I’m in a good enough mental state to drink without any consequences.”
But that attitude still leaves the door cracked – even a millimetre – for your addiction to break in. And it did, 8 months in. And boy, did it bust the fuck in and fucked some shit up. How much? Enough to leave me convinced.